Friday, March 28, 2014

Time to move on: 7 things to consider before staying

Since a very young age I've known that at some point you have to let go and move on to the next one. As we get older sometimes we forget this lesson and want to hold on to what is not there anymore. Now I always believe in working things out in a marriage because that is a commitment that has been made but in life we never always get it right the first time. Hopefully these facts will keep you from getting down that path.
Are you told that the person your with is not right for you? How many times do you have to go over the same information for it to be understood? Do you both even want children? These are questions often forgotten in the path of the relationship for the sake of holding on to a relationship. Here are a few facts to consider to see if its time to move on:
  1. Still having fun: Are you and your significant other still finding time to enjoy life with each other? Many couples can find themselves caught up in the whirlwind of life but still find time for a few minutes of fun with each other. If you have notice even when you are trying to have fun together it feels more like work or can no longer agree what is fun. This may be a sign you have differences that can lead to a break up.
  2. Leave your message after the beep: Find yourself leaving more voicemails then talking to the person? You shouldn't have to always listen to a voicemail box message to hear your partners voice. Another flashing signal in here is if the number of rings decreases to get to the voicemail. This also goes for text messages or Facebook messages. You should never have more than 3 to 1 ratio in messages before its time to be concerned it might be time to move on to the next one.
  3. Stuck on replay: Have you found that you live in the past more than the present or future? In a relationship you will build so many great memories but you can't create new memories living in the old memories forever. If your significant other is too worried about your past to create a future they may not be the special one.
  4. Repeat Repeat Repeat: How many times can you go over the same issue and it not change? So, this is a big one for me. When you find your partner is told the same thing that offends you more than 5 times there might be an issue. There is a red flag if they can not follow the fact you get upset when they do X but still continue to do it.... might be move on time. This goes the other way around as well because if you have to continue to enforce something you want to do and the other person ignores it... again might be move on time.
  5. Holding on is holding you back: When the relationship that you are in begins to hold you back from other opportunities it might be time to move on. No relationship should keep you trapped. There are no glass ceilings in the relationships only upward support to the next level. If you are feeling trapped and can't get support its no longer the right person to build with in your life.
  6. Sex not included: So, where to being with this subject? Well, if the person is planning on holding out to marriage and you can't wait then you may just be foolish. Sex should never be a determining factor in the relationship unless.... there is more too it then just sex. If your partner never pleases you in bed and you have tried to make it work then this might be something to consider over the long run. Now, just like all other facts listed you must weigh this on your own scale on how much it makes a difference. Sex should just be another expression of affection for each other but if you can no longer use this it may be time to have a talk.
  7. No bun in the oven: At some point this should be in the conversation if you have gotten serious. If you want kids and the other person does not want kids then we have a disconnect. Don't waste time not finding this out early because you don't want to be down on one knee and telling the world how great of a provider and father you will be to her and the unborn child just to hear her say oh no I don't want kids. Same thing for women you do not want a man who can never make you a mother to say surprise I'm fixed and can't have kids on your wedding night...
So there are a few of signs/questions to consider when wanting to continue a relationship? Do you have more? Please share your signs or questions to consider below in the Comment box!! As always you have the options to email me or Facebook message me with questions or stories you would like to share.
"Trying to hold on to someone who does not want you is like trying to hold on to water"
DeAndre Littles

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Women's Worth Wednesday

This week for my Woman's Worth Wednesday I thought I would discuss Loving yourself first. Do you feel less than worth it or less than the next woman? Many women find themselves always comparing themselves to the next woman because many men judge beauty by what is on the outside. To this I say stop!!! Do not be shackled to external features because if you use rotten apples with an apple pie it won't be seen until you dig in and take that first bite. Now, Loving yourself is more than dealing with the inside beauty and the outside beauty. Loving yourself first deals with being thankful for that you are given in life. There are so many alternative lives you could of been given that could be way worse. So find the things that make life worth living and be thankful for them in your life. Also a great post by someone acquaintance was believe in yourself and within there you will find a second inspirational line of Be You. This honestly spoke to me this morning and it fit so well with Loving yourself. If you believe in yourself and continue to be you than you will be just fine in life. So, one other point I wanted to share if nothing else is that if you are not happy with the you that you are because you are unhealthy or because medically you have had issues then make changes to your diet or workout. There is nothing that you can't accomplish in life if you make that choice.

Look inside today and find something to say this is why I am awesome!! Take a few seconds to even write them down and post them in your bathroom on your front door on your computer!!! Where ever you can read the message then put it there for you to always remind yourself YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING!!! Enjoy your Woman's Worth Wednesday!!!!

As always if you enjoy my writing please share a comment below or also follow me on here for updates :-)

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, always remember you have two eyes too"
DeAndre Littles

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

This is what a broken heart feels

As I always write to my readers this will be an honest moment from me to you. Do you know what it feels to have your heart hurting. Do you know the pain of deceit? I do I know it all to well... I've been hurt so many times by friends, associates, and co-workers. My heart aches to be relieved of this pain I feel... When someone pours their heart to you don't let it be poured in vain. If the person is vulnerable enough to share with you the feelings they have just say something. Good or bad is better than nothing at all.... The heart wants what it wants in life and no matter what you do to control the heart it will still decide what is best.. As I lay my feelings in the wind it feels as if it is a drift among the feelings of other who have had their heart broken and can't shed a tear because like me they are all cried out for this lifetime. Never shall they express a heart felt message that will help others but they will feel bitter sweet as people tell them that they care about them. I always try to tell the truth and lay it all on the line with my feelings and true emotions but I can't help but cry when I feel so lost in the mist of the unknown. I tried to be honest about how I am to the world but you don't understand. I've told my wife how I feel and she understood there is an underlying desire in my heart but no one will ever understand me. I'm a lost heart in search of healing than can only be found in love.... I love my wife and I would never leave her but this is something different that I can't quite put my finger on but I know it exist. You had your chance and now its gone because I'm just a number in your book and never a true name.... This is a post for the forgotten and unloved because I will love you when no one else will.....

Saturday, March 22, 2014

3 Basic Tips To Improve Your Relationships

No one is perfect and sometimes we just need a refresher on building a better relationship. If you don't continue to learn  on how to be a better partner how you can you expect your love and relationship to grow further?

Are you looking for a quick fix to building a relationship? Do you desire to just read an article and become able to have the best relationship ever? Well, you will never hear from me that there is a quick fix to any relationship. This as all other things I write are tools to help in nurturing the relationship seed. What will you read today will help you in building a strong connection with you significant other. Below will be 3 tips to make an improvement or just give a refresher on the basics.
  1. Make time for what you want:   One of my most basic principle to relationships is that we as a society make time for what we want in life. Learn to set time aside for a date or to celebrate your relationship in someway. No one will make time happen for your relationship because they are to busy making time for their own relationships. Be proactive in making time  to see each other alone at least once a week to give you quality time
  2. Kiss each other:    How long has it been since you and your significant really kissed each other on a regular basis. Make sure you express love through kissing not only because it is good for the health of your relationship but there have been reports that can be found online that recommends kissing is essential to your physical health from lowering blood pressure to bringing up your happy hormones. So make sure you lock lips with your significant other and let them know you are looking out for their health.
  3. Open communication:   Many couples start out telling each other about themselves because the other person doesn't know much about them in the beginning. Once the relationship develops we forget that we have evolved as well. So keep communicating with each other with new likes and dislikes. Just like relationships change and grow so does the partner so set aside time to sit and have open dialogue with your significant other and just talk about whatever is on your mind. Make sure you turn off all televisions, electronic devices, and avoid any other distraction. If you would like to keep notes on what you both talk about that can be helpful sometimes because you can reference back to something said later on to avoid conflicts or buy a special gift based on new likes.
Did you find these tips helpful? Were you already doing this in your current relationship? Would you like to see more tips like this? Please comment below and let me know if this was good basic tips. Feel free to express yourself through a comment just make sure you are respectful. As always if you prefer to stay anonymous send me a message on Facebook or email me.
"A small change can make all the difference in the world"
DeAndre Littles

Friday, March 21, 2014

5 simple ways to tell you don't have a gentleman

Even at the age of 10 I knew what it took to be a true gentleman. It amazes me that men who 18+ still just don't get the basics. I thought today that this would be a good time to put them on notice. If your guy falls a little short on this list don't worry. Now, if he misses the list completely then I would say its time to start requiring more from him.
Do you ever look at older movies and watch the car door be open for women back then and wonder why your significant other doesn't do that for you? Have you ever caught yourself walking through a door that wasn't held open for you as your significant other walked through it? Wonder why you are still going Dutch or paying for dinner in that relationship? Could it be time to open your eyes to see the truth? How do you know? Here are 5 simple ways to tell your guy just isn't a gentleman.
5 Simple ways to tell you don't have a gentleman
  1. You guy is not self sufficient: Ever notice that your guy can't cook, clean, repair or provide any real adult fashion for themselves. Gentlemen know how to provide for themselves no matter what the situation they are in currently. Now let me clarify by cooking I do not mean he can put something in the microwave and he does not have to be able to cook a 5 course meal but he should be able to make a decent meal for himself. When I say cleaning I mean I don't mean just taking out trash or cleaning dishes but being able to wash clothes and help organize the home.
  2. Your guy doesn't understands gifts: Does your significant other give flowers only when they do something wrong or just because its a holiday? Does he give you gifts just because its Wednesday? Your significant other should be to understand expressing Love or emotions through a proper gift that he gives you. All gifts should have a meaning and shouldn't be frivolously given out without some indication of the meaning of the gift.
  3.  Your guy doesn't treat elder women like his mother or grandmother: Does your significant other treat women older than himself with the respect they deserve? When they see older women around themselves do they choose to curve their language or assist them when the opportunity present itself. As you get older they would expect a younger man to respect you as they do themselves. This should not be taken lightly because if you notice this now this may be how they treat you in the future themselves.
  4.  Your guy doesn't defends your honor: When you are in a social setting does your significant other stand up for you? If he doesn't do it while you are standing there most likely he allows others to disrespect you without you being present. If you know your significant other allows certain conversation to happen in front of you, such as talking about your sex life or how other women look better, that is an issue.
  5. Your guy doesn't open and hold doors for women: When is the last time there was a door held open for you or a car door opened to escort you to your destination. This is not something that has gone out of style but seems many men have forgotten this basic step. I have seen men run to the door just to avoid holding the door open for a lady. If he does not open the car door for you every time that is not terrible because honestly it will not happen all the time but their should be an attempt made at least when you are headed on a date.
 Have you ever notice any of this happening in your relationships? Does it only start out that way and slowly goes away day by day? What would you say are other signs that you noticed that are not listed? Please share a comment with your thoughts.
"Sometimes you have to open both eyes to see the truth" 
DeAndre Littles

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Women's Worth Wednesday

Wednesday will from now on be my woman's worth Wednesday. This will be a day to show honor to the women in my life and talk about a woman's worth. So, I decided to write this first entry about a woman's true worth.

So many woman do not know their worth it is kind of sad to me. This spoke to me because I used to be a womanizer in my life. I would go from woman to woman and never cared about how they felt and they allowed me to do it because they never knew their worth. I eventually grew out of that phase of my life and reflect on the pain I caused to them and myself. I know a true woman's worth since I am a husband and father now. These were life changing factors to me ( I would say men but I know men out there having 5 and 6 different women as their children's mother and do not let it effect them). I look at women through different eyes and want to explain how all women should know their worth. As a woman do you look in the mirror and wonder how come you don't look as beautiful as the next woman? I am sure some of you will say Yes and some will say No. For the woman who say No good for you. You appear to not care about what others look like and that is the first step into understanding your worth. For the women who said Yes then I want you to take another look at that mirror and find all your beautiful things about yourself. Do you have beautiful long or short hair? Do you have a smile that could light up a room? Do you have eyes that lead into a beautiful soul? I'm sure you do because I see it whenever I look at women around me. Now, I can tell you everyday all day that you are beautiful, of course I will continue too, but it will not matter unless you can see it as well. You beautiful women deserve a special thank you from all men around you because with out a beautiful woman in their life then they wouldn't exist. Take time for yourself to appreciate yourself. If that is getting your nails done, hair done, or just taking a picture of yourself do it. Show yourself some self appreciation because you deserve it. Always know that if no man has ever told you were beautiful I will tell you right now that you are beautiful to me. Have I seen you? Maybe or maybe not? That doesn't matter to me because if I saw you I would see the beauty in God's work. If you are in a relationship or when you are in your next relationship make sure your significant other understands your worth. What I mean by this is to say when you plan on being with someone let them know you are worth the wait. Whatever your wait is that is for you to decide. If it is waiting on you while you prepare for an evening/date, or even if it is sex. No man ever has the right to tell you when to be ready for something that you are not ready for because you worth more than life it self.

Do you ever feel like you aren't good as the next woman? Do you think you now your true worth? Write me or leave a comment below and tell me what your worth is to you.

"Love yourself and the rest of the world will Love you too"
DeAndre Littles

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Secret life of Good Man

I wanted to share something for my readers that I thought they might like to read which is an insight to Good Men. First do I consider myself to be a Good Man, sure. We men lead simple but yet complicated lives just like women do on a everyday basis. We have hopes and dreams that we may never accomplish and get disappointed when we don't obtain them. We also look in the mirror and sometimes do not like what we see and want to cry that we are not more like the next guy. We look at the media and other things and will find we feel as though we fall short of being better. We Good Men are just like you Good Women out there who are searching to find ourselves and other half. Many times we go searching for Love to fall short of your expectation and get rejected. We wonder what you are thinking at times because we can be just as insecure as you are about yourselves. We want to be perfect for you and hope you find it in your heart to Love us. We have been programmed many times to not let you in because we have that fear of not being loved back or being seen as weaker. Many of the clich├ęs of being a "Real Man" have influenced us to be the way we are in life. We try to find what works for us and go for what we know will hopefully lead to you at least showing us some interest. Good Men out there lead normal lives like everyone else but feel like we are passed over for someone who will never Love you as much as we will. I know many times I felt like that until I got married to my wife who Loves me for some crazy reason. We Love hard just like you do and will put our all into the person with the hopes of a small kiss, hug, or little sign of Love at the end of the day. We want what you want in life but you do not see us like we are invisible. We Good Men are still out there but are built by your Love you put into us to be better men. Ever wonder why a guy always wakes up and tells you Good Morning... its because you were the last thing he thought of when he went to sleep and the first thing we think of when we wake up in the morning. We are thankful you are in our lives even though you are just our friend and dating some other guy who does not appreciate you as much as we do. We are the one you talk to when you are upset because we are one of the few men in your life who will understand or want a males perspective. We do all that we can for you to see us but you choose to be blind to the qualities we have to be the friend and lover you want in your life. We feel like cellophane to all women because they see right through us to someone less worthy. We are afraid to say something because we are likely to be told you rather be friend and it hurts our hearts to be unloved the way we want to Love you. You spend all day complaining we do not exist until we found someone who gave us an opportunity and we find out they are better for us and then complain all the "Good Men" are taken. You will find us everywhere in Church, Grocery store, or even in the club. Not all men who go to church are good men and not all men who go to the Club are bad men you just have to open your mind and your heart to find the real ones who are Good Men. To give some personal side of myself in this secret life of a Good Man. I probably have been a friend or associate of over 1,000 women in my life. I have seen women date men who were dating them for all the wrong reasons and I have seen women date men because they showed them a little attention. I have shed tears over a woman. I found myself at one point so lost that I began acting like less than a Good Man would act just to find it did not make me happy. I know Good Men who are around me all the time and would give the world to a woman but instead they continue to just be that friend. Now let me clarify we as Good Men Love our friendship and we know the importance of our role but wish a lot of times you would open your eyes and see us for what we really can be to you. Ask your best guy friend sometime if he has ever been attracted to you or wish you ever dated? If his answer is anything less than yes then more than likely he is lying to you because all of us have been there with a best friend or good friend who is female and had that hope of being more than we are to you.

Do we Good Men live in secret? Not really. Its just hard for us to be seen sometimes. Open your eyes and look through your heart and maybe you will see the Good Men out there in your life.

As always feel free to email me or Facebook me. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I Love writing this. Please comment and let me know you stopped by Good or Bad I love hearing from my readers.
"Good guys always finish last, only because we are holding the door open for a Good Woman"
DeAndre Littles